იმის მიუხედავად, რომ 90-იანების “შვილი ვარ”, შეგნებულ ცხოვრებას რომ ეძახიან, რაც მას შევუდექი, შემიძლია საკუთარი თავი პატიოსან მოქალაქედ შევაფასო –  პატიოსნად ვიცავ ყველა წესსა და კანონს, რაც მსმენია და ვიცი, ან მგონია, რომ უნდა არსებობდეს. ნუ, კაი, “ბიჩოკი” მანქანის ფანჯრიდან გადამიგდია და ადმინისტრაციულ დაწესებულებებშიც მომიწევია, თუმცა, ამის მეტი განსაკუთრებული არაფერი მახსენდება.

ერთი სიტყვით, ავადსახსენებელი შევარდნაძისდროინდელი პედიოდიდან მოყოლებული, ვაცნობიერებდი ჩემს მოქალაქეობრივ პასუხისმგებლბას და ყოველთვის, ყოველთვის ვცდილობდი, მცირე წვლილი ჩემი ქცევით ჯანსაღი, ნორმალური საზოგადოების, ნორმალური საქართველოს შექმნაში შემეტანა. არა, “შემქნა” ძალიან ხმამაღალი ნათქვამია, მაგრამ წინადადების გადაწყობა ძალიან მეზარება.

დღევანდლამდე, ერთი ვაცი მყავდა – მთავრობა. განტევების ვაცი, რომელსაც ყველა უბედურებას ვაბრალებდი. მთელ მთავრობას თუ არა, მთავრობის მიღმა არსებულ იდუმალ ძალებს, ცალკეულ მინისტრებს თუ ხელმძღვანელ პირებს. ხანაც სისტემას.

იმის მიუხედავად, რომ არც ჩემი ბავშვობის და არც “თინეიჯერობის” პერიოდის საქართველო იყო მშვიდი, ნათელი და ბედნიერების კუნძული, 17 მაისი მაინც ყველაზე მძიმე აღმოჩნდა. არა იმიტომ, რომ ვიღაცამ ვიღაცის უფლებები შელახა, ვიღაცამ ვიღაცა სცემა, ვიღაცამ ვიღაცას მოატყუა, ვიღაცამ ვიღაცის მიმართ უპასუხისმგებლობა გამოიჩინა, ვიღაცამ ვიღაცა წააქეზა, ვიღაცამ ვიღაცა არ დაიცვა და ა.შ. არამედ იმიტომ, რომ მაგ დღის შემდეგ განტევების ვაცი აღარ მყავს. აქამდე თუ მთავრობა, პოლიტიკა ან სისტემა შეიძლებოდა, ყოფილიყო საშინელი, დამნაშავე და ყველაფრის მიზეზი, ახლა აღარ ვიცი, რომელ ერთს და რა “დავაბრალო” –  გამხეცებულ, მოძალადე  ქართულ საზოგადოებას, ფაშისტური იდეოლოგიის მატარებელ მართლმადიდებულურ ეკლესიას, უნიათო სახელმწიფოს თუ საკუთარ თავს?

17 მაისის საღამოს პეკინის ქუჩაზე, ვაჟა-ფშაველას კვეთაზე არსებულ უსაფრთხოების ‘კუნძულაკზე’ ვიდექი. გზის მეორე მხარდეს 17-18 წლის ბიჭი იდგა. ჯინსის შარვალი ეცვა. დახეული არა,  აი, რაღაცნაირად ამოძიძგნილები რომაა ხოლმე, მასეთი. ცხადია, შუქნიშანზე მწვანე შუქის ანთებას ველოდით.  პეკინიდან მანქანამ შემოუხვია.. ორი ჩადგუმული, ვერძილა ოღრაში იჯდა. იმ რამდენიმე წამში, სანამ გაგვცდებოდა, ამ ბავშვს ისეთი სიტყვებით აგინეს, ჩემი გაფრენილი ფანტაზიაც გაონებული დარჩა.  გარშემო ხალხს ვუყურებდი, რეაქციებს ვაკვირდებოდი, ხომ არ მომეჩვენა-მეთქი. არ მომჩვენებია.

17 მაისს მოვიხსენი ჩემი ‘მოაქალაქეობრივი პასუხისმგებლობები” -რიგითი “ბეემვეშიკივით” ვმოძრაობ ქუჩაში, ნაგავს ვყრი, ვიგინები, ვიფუთხები, ნუ, აივნიდან ბოთლების გადაყრამდე ჯერ ვერ მივედი, მაგრამ მაგასაც გამოვასწორებ, იმედი მაქვს.

ჩემი მეგობარი მეუბნებოდა, “ეული ფლეშმობისტივით” იქცევიო (რაღა ეული lol), შენს პროტესტს მაინც ვერავინ გაიგებს, აზრი არ აქვს, ისევ შენ დაზარალდებიო, მაგრამ ჩემი ასეთი ქცევის მიზეზი არა პროტესტი, არამედ აგრესიაა, ის აგრესია და სიძულვილი, რომელიც მიბიძგებს, რაც შემიძლია და როგორც შემიძლია, ისე ვავნო ქვეყანას, რომელსაც..  რომელიც.. არც კი ვიცი, კორექტულად როგორ დავწერო.

იმასაც ვაცნობიერებ, რომ აგრესია, რომელიც ახლა თუნდაც ამ პოსტს მაწერინებს, ნორმალური განვითარების ადამიანისთვის შეუფერებელია, მაგრამ ვინ თქვა, რომ შესაძლებელია, ამ ქვეყანაში “ნორმალური” იყო? ისედაც მძულდა ეგ სიტყვა და ახლა საერთოდ გული მერევა!

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